well, I am home again for the summer lets see what happens now? I guess.

well, I am not tired, and I really hate it because well, I am usually kind of tired everyday, so basically ya i am watching remember the titans so basically ya I will finish this later

I was thinking the other day, that I always say that I need things when infact they are the wantings and not needing, like I say that I need a relationship but it's really me wanting to fullfill my desire which is not a bad thing in the first place at least until that desire takes over my desire to serve God, since i was a kid my dream has been to have a family that serves God, and I know I have said that quite a few times already but here's my story, I was 9 years old when I first saw what a family looked like and it was on a day trip to moricetown I think it was 2 years after jason Died jason is the son of my sort of parents, you see the reason I say they are my sort of parents is this, they treated me like a son ever since the day I met them ever since then they have been there for me.
anywho the point being after that day I was needing better examples in my life I searched and searched for a while and than I found mike or rather we found each otherand since than I have always gone to him for advice, and basically been with him ever since he's probably the only person I have ever fully trusted, we've known each other for almost 15 years now well it's like 13 but that's rounding up, anywho basically here's my list that I made when I was 9-10 years old.


-Be the first to finsh High school out of my family-Check
-Start College right after High School
-2006 when i am 22 is when I will be done by than have a girlfriend.
-at the age of 23 get married
-that same year start my ministry and have a kid on the way.


this my friends is the shortened listed of my childhood dreams, minus the wedding day plans which was scrapped a few years back on the account that people made fun of me and I hated that so I threw it away, man the world can be cruel sometimes, anywho basically I am thinking that I plan ahead way to much to the desires of my heart and should put some thought into what I am planning and have a contingense plan a back up plan.
so basically I have nothing else to say sooo have fun reading peace

well, this is interesting I am having some trouble this week mainly because I am not working but everyone is wanting me to go out for drinks and such, because as we all know I am a party animal, hahaha ya right, anywho my problem is this I am wanting a relationship again, but I don't want anything serious which is well, not right.
so basically this where my problem is, I want to trust God, but it's so hard because even though I know that a relationship will not help me at all in anyway it's just hard to place GOd in that void I have and at the same time, I know that, that is the only option that i have right now, it's really funnie even though I have shared this with ya'll I always thought I would be married right now, with like a kid on the way before I was 23, with that said at that point I would be done college and starting my youth group back home again.
my dream is slowly disappearing and I hate it, becuase that is what got me out of my house with out a total damage, the only thing I thought about was that dream and how it would be alot beter than what I was currently going through, but now it's getting further and further away, and it's getting harder and harder to realise that my dreams are changing everyday, which I am happy for because I know that God's plan for me will suceed and that I just have to be faithful and trusting in his will for me, and that I have to dilegently keep following what he is doing consistently in my life.
basically I have ultimately accept what is happening right now and just wait for what GOd wants me to go through, and persevere through all of his trials, I have to be faithful, one thing I will continually be learning, this should be a joyous time but I am having trouble seeing he light in the valley, basically i am so far confused I just want to be normal, that how messed up I am right now, man if I could understand emotions a little that would make things easier for me, like if I grew up in a better home and was shown the emotions that everyone is suppose to know how would that have made me different?, or am I just talking out of my butt?
well, it's 1am and I think I am gonna go to bed my sleeping pills are kicking in.
peace

so I went to go see the movie 300 and it was amazing I mean the best guy gresome more i have ever seen I mean it was just jaw dropping I loved it

I am super stoked about going to this rascal flatts concert I cannot wait I want to just Shout it from the top of my lungs... but i will save that for the actual concert. haha it's gonna be a blast, unfortunately my camera is kind of broken so I am a little down about that but what ever, I am super happy and that's all that matters, I was kind of down this after noon but let me tell you it was a funn evening, you see I was suppose to meet someone this morning they cancelled on me took a rain check, than my parents called and told me so unfortunate news.
After that I took a nap which made things a little better but then I recieved another call from a friend i was gonna meet for coffee, and I know that these things come up but i was looking forward to that, but in the end it all worked out, I got to have coffee, and bake some stuff it was all fun and our house bonded once again it was a very fulfilling evening thanks to the guys haha.
anywho it's now 330 in the A.m. so have a great night.
all the smiles in the world.
keep er goin
peace

Current Mood: tired

well, I couldn't think of anything to put on as a title so basically i am just gonna keep typing and hopefully I will get somewhere you know like so far I have been hanging around the Ceeb's and there has been nothing to do but play pool and that's pretty much it I mean you can wach T.v> but then you just sit there, you see it's reading break and pretty much everyone goes home for that so ya any who I don't have anything really new to say so basically ya peaceand Love

Current Mood: blah

man I have watched all seasons of 24 there are out there and every season gets better, I am always left at the edge of my seat, it's always amazing, and always just so good, I cannot wait til next monday to watch the next episode of the current season which is 6.
any who I am tired gonna hit the hay

man this is the first journal post in a long time, but guess what I have changed and it's all for the better, too at least I think it's for the best, I am learning that growing up isn't so bad. but that's also part of my imaturity talking too. but on the real, it's harder than I ever expected, especially since where I grew up I was already ready mature I was forced to be mature to make choices and such, but yeah these last few months have been well, a huge mess, but I did it.
I got back into classes and now it's time to prove myself, "leaving a trail for others to follow," so it's very much awesome, anywho.
I really do't have that much update at all so yeah peace.

well, I have had an interesting night so far, anywho can't really talk
Job 11:1
no clue what that verse says